Could tapping into “love languages” improve your relationships with colleagues?

When it comes to the world of work, “love languages” aren’t the first thing that comes to mind. This way of categorising communication styles was coined back in 1992 by author Gary Chapman, and since then, it’s taken the romantic world by storm.

But did you know that working out your love languages, and those of other people, could actually improve your interpersonal relationships in professional settings, too? 

Whether you’re a team leader, manager, director or intern, mastering the art of love languages can potentially transform your work environment. How? Because when we know how other people prefer to receive communication, feedback, praise or critique, and use it to our advantage, we’re much more likely to yield the best outcome.

Read on to learn more about what the five love languages are, how they can be used in professional settings, the positive results you could see, the potential downsides, and much more.

What are the five love languages?

The theory suggests that people have different ways of expressing and receiving love, categorised into five primary “languages”: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. 

In romantic relationships, understanding and speaking your partner’s love language can enhance emotional connection and satisfaction, as it ensures that both partners feel loved and appreciated in the way that resonates most with them. 

This concept can also be applied to the workplace by recognising and appreciating colleagues’ preferred ways of receiving recognition and support, thereby fostering a more positive and collaborative work environment.

Let’s dive into each of the love languages and explore how these might be used in the workplace.

Words of affirmation: 

Words of affirmation could arguably be the easiest to implement into your work life, as it relies on verbal communication that acknowledges someone’s positive character traits, achievements or output, to name just a few examples.

In the workplace, showing your appreciation for a colleague’s efforts, celebrating their wins and expressing gratitude for their hard work can make the difference in how they carry themselves in the office. For example, sharing some encouraging words to a colleague may not seem like a lot, but this could be just what they needed during a hard week, and you’ll be giving them a much-needed boost.

Whether you’re verbally praising a colleague, formally recognising their contribution to a task or encouraging your team during a tough project, verbalising these affirmations can help boost morale, enhance team spirit, and help foster a positive work environment.

Acts of service:

Acts of service refers romantically to expressing love through actions that help or support your partner, but in the workplace, it refers to helping colleagues or going the extra mile. 

For professionals, this could mean assisting your team members with a task, whether asked to or not. Acts of service can be quite broad, but they also include providing your skills or helping someone find a resource, as well as being supportive.  

An act of service doesn’t have to be purely the act of physically giving – supporting a colleague’s professional growth, for example, is a true act of service. Whether you’re able to propel their career forward via mentoring or helping them by reading over their latest article, acts of service helps strengthen teams and builds trust to enable a collaborative culture.

Quality time:

Quality time is something we think of when we refer to a loved one, but spending quality time with colleagues is a great way to improve working relationships, too.

This love language involves actively listening to them, engaging in meaningful conversations around the office, as well as participating in team-building activities. The more time you spend with a colleague means you better understand them as a person, which in turn helps foster open and honest communication, as you know who they are and how they respond to certain situations.

Quality time can be something like going for lunch with your colleagues, booking the desk next to them, or even just having a quick catch-up before a meeting starts. These activities help bring a sense of connection and appreciation to the workplace, making everyone feel understood and comfortable.

Receiving gifts:

Perhaps the most difficult to figure out in your workplace is receiving or giving gifts. On the surface, it may seem that we’re referring to the act of buying presents for someone, but it’s about thoughtful gestures. 

The simple act of recognising milestones, such as work anniversaries or an achievement, with a small token of appreciation, can demonstrate you care and help create a sense of belonging. An office-wide birthday card for someone, for example, is an inexpensive yet kind way to show someone they’re valued.

Physical touch:

Understandably, this love language is trickier to navigate in a professional setting, and therefore to effectively incorporate this into your world of work sensibly, you need to be aware and respectful of other people’s boundaries and comfortability. 

Once you’ve established this understanding, you can use something like a simple handshake, high-five or even a virtual reaction on Teams to encourage, motivate and build bonds. 

Benefits and downsides 

Adapting your communication style to match your colleagues’ preferred love languages can help create a positive work environment, and could even increase your professional relationships, meaning you’ll be more likely to work better when part of a team. The knock-on effects could be an increase in productivity, collaboration and efficiency, with better understanding of each other’s ways of working. 

Despite the positive impacts of utilising different love languages, there are some things you must be mindful when it comes to putting them into place. Not everyone responds to the same love language, and people – no matter their roles – have very different preferences.

It’s key to be aware of this so your efforts don’t backfire, therefore whenever in doubt, always ask to learn and understand more about your colleagues.

Love languages can vary across cultures. What’s appreciated in one culture may not resonate in another. In a world that’s more connected than ever, it’s important to understand that something like physical touch or receiving gifts may not be perceived favourably or as you intend, so cultural awareness is crucial.

As explained, reading the room is key when it comes to love languages. Always make sure you are consistent with consent and have open, frank conversations that allow clear understanding of everyone’s wants and needs. 

In summary...

It’s always important to navigate the workplace in the most responsible way, especially when implementing the five love languages. Just as in personal relationships, mastering the art of love languages at work requires intentionality, empathy, and adaptability. Having an open mind when it comes to these different communication styles is key, as many people communicate differently, so it’s vital to consider this as you develop your personal connections in the workplace while respecting personal boundaries. 

Want to learn more about the best way to communicate in the workplace? Check out My Learning, a Hays platform filled with free courses on hundreds of topics.